Ditching the Plan

I’m a planner. I don't just like to know what's ahead, I have to know what's ahead. I love certainty, and the sense of perceived control planning allows.

At this stage in my life, my planning obsession has helped me find a lot of success personally and professionally. But also at this stage in my life, my planning obsession is becoming a hindrance to my personal and professional growth.

As a goal oriented planner, I’ve spent a lot of time researching and studying "the path" to becoming a published author/making a career as an author. Understandably, nothing is fool proof, but my takeaway for what would work best for me is:

1) Have a (perfect) portfolio across what I want to write

2) Use said portfolio to find a career focused partnership with an agent

3) Continue to write, write, write no matter what

Just like our life journey, our creative journey bends and curves, carving new paths for us as we go.

Just like our life journey, our creative journey bends and curves, carving new paths for us as we go.

I crafted a plan for how I would accomplish the three steps above, and then it was time to get to work.

I wasn't on a particular timeline at first, but as other things in my life started to become more uncertain, I desperately needed certainty in some aspect of my life to feel like I had control over what was ahead. So, I started doubling down on all of my writing, pushing and pushing to do as much as possible (like switching from project to project multiple times a week to keep momentum, cramming any bit of “free” time with something writing related, overcommitting to webinars and workshops, and setting unrealistic and arbitrary deadlines). I lived in a constant state of judging and examining my portfolio, always thinking about it's agent readiness with an eye on the calendar like it was a ticking bomb.

Because let’s be honest, time often feels like a ticking bomb when it comes to creative goals. Especially as we get older.

I got to the point where I “ran” my creative work like I did my full time job work. Rather than approaching my writing as a creative outlet, it turned into something that needed to be planned and obsessed over, pushing hard, and never allowing myself a break.

When creating becomes more business than joy, there's a problem.

And that problem was me. I was putting so much pressure on myself to make this writing dream happen now. Partly because it helped me manage the anxiety I felt over other uncertainties in my life, but also because I wanted it so bad. But the thing is, holding my dream in a vice didn’t allow for any alternatives. It didn’t allow for spontaneous discovery. It didn’t allow for a possible, unanticipated, wondrous journey that could exceed my wildest dreams. My planning obsession allowed for only one path to becoming a career author. And as a result, there was no joy. No creative energy. No writing.

One day, deep in self reflection on why I was putting so much pressure on myself, it dawned on me: there is no expectation that any of my work will ever be published, or ever turn into a career, or will ever be anything more than something I do for myself.

And that revelation was wildly freeing.

Which leads me to doing something I rarely have been able to do: I’m throwing my plans away.

I'm not forcing the stories I have now to become part of my portfolio just because they fit a plan. I'm not pushing to query agents by an arbitrary XYZ date. I'm not forcing myself to switch from project to project every other day because it fits the schedule I think I need to keep.

I’m making a conscious decision to allow my writing journey to progress naturally instead of trying to force it into a box.

I have no idea when I'll be ready to query. I have no idea if any of the stories I'm working on now will be stories that get published. I have no idea if my dream of being a career author will ever come true.

What I do know is that if I want any part of that dream to happen, I need to be flexible. I need to accept that I don't know how the path ahead looks. I need to accept that so much of it is out of my control. And I need to focus on the one thing I can control:

Writing.

So here's to embracing the curves and the bends on this writing journey. Here's to not seeing those curves and bends coming. Here’s to not trying to control them. Here's to allowing the path to be unexpected. And here's to embracing wherever the path may lead.

Because no matter where the path takes me, only one thing will ever be certain: my unwavering love for writing.

2020 Creative Learnings and Unicorn Advice

I enjoy a good end of year list, and while I’m eager to leave 2020 behind and open the door to 2021, I can’t breeze by the fact that I learned a lot about myself and how to exist as a creative person this year. If you follow me on social media, you’ll notice I post pictures of my Advice from a Unicorn calendar every once in awhile. I love this calendar. It’s uncanny how often the unicorn knows exactly what I need to hear on any given day. I’ve gathered some of my favorite pieces of unicorn advice and compiled them into my top 5 creative learnings of 2020. Enjoy!

1. Practice Self Care

How many times did we hear it in 2020? #selfcare But the thing is, people said it (and meant it) for a reason. You can’t fill someone (or something) else’s cup if there’s nothing in yours to pour from. This applies to taking care of family, friends, to work, to hobbies, to exercise, and yes, to creative endeavors. Most of the year I couldn’t think about creative things. I had no physical or mental energy to spare. So I really had to lean into self care, learning not just how important it is for my health and creative well being, but also learning the type of self care that works best for me. For example, I really, really had to work on giving myself grace. And rest. These are two of the hardest forms of self care for me, but the most important. This wasn’t the year I hoped it would be. I chastised myself for not being as productive as I wanted, but that only made me feel worse. When I gave myself grace for doing the best I could in a difficult year, and allowed myself the time and space to rest, I slowly but surely, found the mental and physical energy I needed for the things I wanted to do.

An important reminder here: self care is not one and done. It’s ongoing. Build it into your lifestyle, your day, your routine, whatever. Just know it’s something you have to keep coming back to in order to sustain and survive as a human on this journey called life.

2. Find, Embrace, and Support Your Community

During one of the webinars I attended this year, the facilitator said something to the effect of, “no one creates a (picture) book on their own anymore.” They were referring to the idea that it takes critique partners and beta readers and illustrators and often agents and editors to shape, mold, edit, revise, and produce a book that goes out into the world. In other words, it takes a community of people to make a book happen.

It also takes a community to live as a creative. These are the people that will motivate and inspire you, and lift and support you, cheer and cry with you. These are the people who know how hard the work is, know how painful the lows are, and can appreciate how just how damn good the wins are.

Author Courtney Maum in her book, Before and After the Book Deal: A Writer’s Guide to Finishing, Publishing, Promoting, and Surviving Your First Book, talks about the importance of literary citizenship. I love this concept. Being part of a community isn’t just about the support you receive, it’s also about the support you provide. Being a literary citizen will look a little different for everyone, based on what’s in alignment with their values, but it’s important to be an involved and supportive citizen, even when we’re feeling low because everyone is getting an agent or book deal but us. :) As the unicorn says, “you don’t have to dim your light for others to shine.”

It’s also critical that we shine light on, and lift up, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and disabled creators, communities, and voices. The disparity and inequity that exists in this industry is staggering and not enough progress is being made. As starting points, I highly encourage reading this NYTimes article and this Vox article, as well as these 2019 survey results on diversity in the publishing industry. Request, buy, read, and recommend books by BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and disabled authors and illustrators, and support organizations like We Need Diverse Books. As a person with privilege, it is my responsibility to advocate for, and assist in, growing and changing the representation and equity so desperately needed in (and outside of) our creative community.

3. Do The Work

It’s really that simple. The story won’t write itself. An agent can’t read the story brewing in your head. The book deal won’t magically appear. We have to do the work to make it happen. But how easy it is to forget that sometimes, especially when we’re busy or in a slump.

Peloton instructor Alex Toussaint said something on a recent ride that really stuck with me. It was something along the lines of, “persistence gets you there, consistence keeps you there.” While the context was mostly around physical activity, I couldn’t help but feel gobsmacked by this insight and how it applies to creative work. We have to be persistent if we want to reach our goals, and we have to stay consistent in developing our craft if we want to continue to create work that can be shared with the world.

Do the work. A little bit day by day. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

4. Don’t Let the Hard Stuff Stop You

Rejections. Disappointments. Obstacles (ourselves included). Doubt. There’s always something hard and seemingly impossible to overcome that will get in our way. It usually forces us to ask, “how bad do I want it?”

Sometimes when I ask myself, “how bad do I want it?” I get real pumped up, like my own hype woman, and I feel ready to burst through a wall. Other times, my energy might be lacking but the conviction is still there, and I quietly promise to do one small thing in the next hour or the next day that will keep me moving forward.

Hard stuff will happen. It’s an inevitable part of the journey. But it’s how we respond to the hard stuff that makes all the difference. Will we let it stop us from achieving our dreams? Or will we respond in a way that keeps us moving forward? If we want it that bad, we have to choose to keep moving forward.

5. Perfection Doesn’t Exist

I recently had a heart to heart with a co-worker and fellow (now agented!!!!) writer. I was explaining that I felt like I needed to have perfection (in my manuscripts) before I could query. She was quick to lovingly remind me that I don’t need perfection. It doesn’t exist. And it’s so true. Even published books have things like typos, and most published authors can point to things in their books that they would change even after the book is published.

Perfection keeps us from creating. We can get so stuck in the fear of something not being perfect, or good enough, that we don’t create at all. And when we don’t create, we’re not doing the work (see #3 above). I know that I’m not yet the writer I want to be, but I want to get there. My craft will develop in time, but it won’t develop at all if I let perfectionism get in the way. Working through perfectionism is as simple (and as hard as) just getting the words on the paper so they have the opportunity to flourish. They can’t flourish if they’re not there.

Bonus!

If you’ve made it this far, I applaud your stamina and commitment. I also leave you with three of my favorite pieces of unicorn advice that capture the energy I’m taking into 2021. I hope they inspire and send you into 2021 with good vibes. Wishing you and yours the best in health and prosperity in the New Year!